''Pray like this...''

I just finished reading Prayers of the Cosmos by Neil Douglas-Klotz. He went back to the Peshitta (that's an Aramaic translation of the Gospels that possibly dates back to the 2rd century CE) and came up with a new translation of the Lord's Prayer with extensive commentaries about the different ways each line could be translated. Here is his translation below:

O Birther! Father-Mother of the Cosmos,
Focus your light within us -- make it useful:
Create your reign of unity now --
Your one desire then acts with ours,
as in all light, so in all forms.
Grant what we need each day in bread and insight.
Loose the cords of mistakes binding us,
as we release the strands we hold of others' guilt.
Don't let surface things delude us,
But free us from what holds us back.
From you is born all ruling will,
the power and the life to do,
the song that beautifies all,
from age to age it renews.
Truly -- power to these statements --
may they be the ground from which all my actions grow: Amen.

I considered his commentaries about the facets of meaning of the Aramaic words and came up with my own English translation:

O Immanent Source that vibrates through the Cosmos
Prepare and sanctify the land for the growth of our experience of you.
Consummate this mutual yearning for unity.
Our deepest desire is that the Earth aligns itself with your purpose.
Give us as much as we need to sustain body and soul.
Clear away the negativity of our past, restoring us as we re-establish right relations.
Do not let us follow false illusion and fall into inner turmoil
but free us from our own ignorance.
Your energy creates a fertile healing harmony in the Earth
Moving together, changing, moving together
We meet you in the Great Mystery.

A couple of notes about my translation:

I made a deliberate effect to avoid light imagery because it is falling out of vogue in the inclusive language ethos of the United Church. Apparently people who have darker skin are sometimes offended by the association of ''light'' with positive things and ''dark'' with negative things.

I'm not entirely satisfied with the word ''purpose'' in line four, but I couldn't seem to come any closer to the concept than that. Also, ''right relations'' seems kind of awkward and un-poetic, but again, I was unable to find anything more poetic to capture the idea. If you have any suggestions, leave a comment!