Didn't I Say?

Didn't I say, "Don't go there; I am
   your friend.
In this mirage of existence, I am the
   fountain of life."
Even if your anger takes you
a hundred thousand years away,
in the end you will return, for I am
   your goal.
Didn't I say, "Don't be content with
   earthly forms;
I am the designer of the intimate
   chamber of your contentment."
Didn't I say, "I am the sea, and you are a
   single fish;
don't strand yourself on dry land; I am
   your clear sea."
Didn't I say, "Don't get caught
in the trap like a helpless bird;
I am the power of flight -- your feet and
   your wings."
Didn't I say, "They will waylay you and
   make you cold;
I am the fire and your warm desire."
Didn't I say, "They will implant their
   qualities in you
until you forget that the best qualities
   are here."
Didn't I say, "You do not know from
   what direction
your affairs are put in order."
I am the Creator beyond directions.
If light is in your heart, find your
   way home.
If you are of God, know your
   Benefactor.
                  -Rumi (trans. Helminski)

Five Days after Pentecost

It took a cannonball to the leg to bring Inigo of Loyola to God. 

We know Inigo as St. Ignatius, the founder of the Jesuit order of Priests, but before he was a Saint, before he was even a Priest, he was a soldier eager for recognition. 

We just celebrated Pentecost in the church, and we often refer to it as "the Birthday of the Church". It's a celebration, a joyful time of holy hubbub. Or that's how we seem to depict it. The sermon on Sunday focused on the intersection of mission and mysticism. We were asked to recall moments where we felt close to God, like holding a new baby, or being on a nature walk, or seeing God in the people around us.

When I read the account of Pentecost in the Book of Acts though, I feel that there is some discontinuity between the Biblical account of this event and how we talk about it in the church. I think if I had been in the room with the disciples, hearing the violent wind, seeing the tongues of fire, the solid wall of noise as everybody talked at once, I would have been afraid. The NRSV translation says that the disciples were amazed (ἐξίσταντο) and perplexed ( διηποροῦντο). Were they amazed, or were they falling to their knees in fear (existanto literally means "removed from a standing position)? Were they perplexed, or were they feeling trapped (the components of diaporonto mean "thoroughly no way out")? Then Peter begins to speak, quoting a terrifying prophesy from Joel about the last days in which the sun disappears and the moon turns to blood. If this was a lighthearted party, he just spoiled the mood. But it don't think it was a joyful party. 

                     

The day after Pentecost this year was the 492nd anniversary of that cannonball in Pamplona that shattered St. Ignatius' leg. Sometimes God doesn't enter your life like a blossoming flower or a gentle summer's breeze. Sometimes God is found in a violent wind, a terrible loss. Sometimes God is found at rock bottom, in the moment when you fall to your knees and can't see any way out. Ignatius found God during his slow recovery from his injury while reading the Vita Christi. Whatever the disciples experienced at Pentecost, whether fear or joy, they received what they needed from the Holy Spirit to continue on in their journey as followers of Christ.